The Making of the Bucket List

Thanks to the movie The Bucket List, this term is now part of normal parlance. To be honest, watching the movie did not prompt me to come up with one. It was a neat idea then but death and dying were far from my mind.

Death Doula & My Bucket List

A few years ago, I took a Death Doula workshop in Singapore. This is another term/movement that is picking up speed and exposure. Like a birth doula, a death doula is a companion for the journey through one of life’s major doorways. A death doula may be engaged for a variety of reasons to take care of a variety of needs, including having someone to talk with about death and to negotiate through the details of funeral arrangements. I took this and the advance workshop for a myriad of reasons – to process loss and deep vestiges of grief, to facilitate more conversation about death and dying, and to perhaps one day be present enough for someone needing a death doula.

I am bringing up this death doula workshop because we spoke about bucket lists. What are things we would like to do before we kick the bucket? What would your bucket list be if you knew you had a year to live? Six months? Three months? Or even less time? Pondering what I would like to do before I die, at some faraway date, is much different than narrowing my focus and uncovering my deepest desires in an alarmingly truncated timeline, like a month or even three.

Anyone who has experienced a loss creates quite a different bucket list. Death is a great equalizer and demands that you be true to your own self, not some version created for others like your parents or your peers.

Why is a Bucket List for Everyone

The truth is we don’t know when we are exiting and our bucket list should always be the most true. Thinking about my bucket list goes hand in hand with my recent contemplations of writing my own eulogy. Taking stocking after major life events is understandable though I would encourage all of us to regularly stop, smell the roses, and check our compass.

One way is creating and updating your bucket list. If things do not get ticked off, it is time to question if they are the right list items or if there is an underlying pattern stopping you from doing what you said you want to do. How are you sabotaging yourself? Is it an issue of worth? Perhaps it is time to get creative to make your dreams come true.

How I started my Bucket List

In writing this article, I did a light google of “travel bucket lists” which is a very very popular topic, as you can imagine. A lot of what I found are ways to conquer fears, because they say “life begins at the edge of the comfort zone”. Skydiving and bungee jumping for those with a fear of height and speed. Like me. I too have thought what I can/want to do to face these fears, which masquerade as a fear of pain and suffering, which are all ultimately the fear of death. Philosophically, I now lean more to thinking of how I can experience more of the world’s splendours and beauty, and the love of those who truly care for me. And in doing so, how can I contribute in a positive way.

Taking Stock First

Before I started putting my bucket list together, I felt it essential to take inventory, of what I have done, where I have been, and what has left an indelible mark on me. Sometimes in the busyness of living, we forget to pause to acknowledge and appreciate all that has transpired. I am certain if I go more quiet, the deeper recesses of my mind will relinquish even more memories. For now, here are some of the most amazing moments and experiences in my life, other than being born –

• snorkeling in Bermuda and swimming with turtles in Bora Bora
• sleeping in the dunes of the Sahara and riding camels to meet the rising sun
• chasing the Midnight Sun on the Lofoten Islands of Northern Norway
• stand up paddling in Thailand, before SUP was a thing and SUP in the Arctic Ocean
• exploring the souks in Fez and Marrakesh, munching on Ramadan treats, buying spices, and learning about handwoven carpets over mint tea with new love
• seeing Tokyo Bay, Franz Josef Glacier, and Singapore in a helicopter
• approaching the Pyramids on horseback
• visiting Stonehenge with my godmother and sister
• getting the best hair cut in a small town outside Tokyo
• eating in this small obscure Tibetan restaurant in Luxembourg
• seeing/listening to Lisa Marie Presley in Vegas
• seeing Into the Woods on Broadway
• a menagerie of emotions from Italy – the music boxes of Sorrento, the glass of Venice, the sparkling seas of Capri, the panini at the Rome train station, being proposed to at the Colosseum
• concert at the Arctic Cathedral in Tromsø (basically the entire Scandinavian solo trip)
• walking through fire and on ice (not at the same time), around the base of Uluru, to the top of Mt Fuji. Seeing the sun descend over Uluru and rise over Kata Tjuta & Mt Fuji.
• Discovering Kyoto and her temples, seeing the reflection of Kinkaku-ji (Gold Pavilion) reflected in the waters, visiting the Silver Pavilion, and strolling through the forest paths, solo

Here are some things I’ve done that would be on my bucket list. A lot of what I’ve done is by virtue of where I have lived and the expat life I have led, for which I am grateful.

• Stay in an overwater bungalow in Tahiti and see sting rays swim by
• See the Grand Canyon & Hoover Dam (ah memories of cars overheating on road trips in my childhood)
• Walk the Great Wall, or at least part of it. Get there before the tourist buses come and unload.
• See the Forbidden City. I’d love to go back with a metaphysician.
• Visit Banff. Time to go back?
• Sin City
• See masterpieces like the Sistine Chapel, the Mona Lisa, Rodin’s sculptures, Versailles, Schönbrunn Palace …
• Go to a bath in Budapest, and get kneaded over by a large Hungarian woman, cursing during the treatment, and emerging more relaxed, nimble, and supple. There is a method to the madness!
• Walk the Charles Bridge in Prague
• Visit the Eiffel Tower, The Empire State Building, Leaning Tower of Pisa, Great Pyramids & Sphinx, Avebury & Stonehenge …
• Eat fresh sushi at a fish market in Hokkaido
• Visit Jim Morrison’s grave in Paris
• Water Purification ceremony in Bali
• solo trips
• road trip to the Florida Keys

Deconstructing Why

Looking over this list was revealing. I enjoy travelling by myself, left to my own devices, meandering and wandering along some invisible path, sitting among fairy hills, touching an ancient tree or the delicate petal of hardy Arctic flowers, engaged in an internal dialogue and deep processes of multi-sensory stimuli.

The majesty of nature does something to my insides that I cannot quite put my finger on. Words only diminish or at best represent a feeling of reverence and delight that can only be felt. Is this bliss and ecstasy, touching the hand of God?

You would be surprised at what we can unearth doing these “simple” exercises.

I probably would not have articulated some of the things I listed above in quite the same way. What I cherish about those experiences is the internal dynamics and the connection, rather than the “what” and “how”. I did not, for example, expect the emotions, still so strong decades later, that are attached to seeing Into the Woods. Deconstructing this memory now, I believe it was powerful because it was an intersection of what I love – fairytale, theatre, wordplay, the alternative, music, humanness, psychology … I am pretty certain I did not or could not verbalize these concepts then. In this article in the New Yorker the author speaks about the impact of Into the Woods on him.

To live a life without regrets does not mean we need to sample everything at the buffet table. We curate for personal meaning. Sometimes we are limited by say, motion sickness so while sailing in the South Seas or Gàlapagos sounds absolutely amazing, it’s not going to be on my list. Maybe kayaking.

I guess another point of the bucket list is that it is never ending. What we desire in life changes as our perceptions and beliefs change. If you are wondering how to get started, here are some suggestions.

Dream & Vision Board It

Vision board is a visual compilation of what you want. A picture speaks a thousand words and a vision board is handy to encapsulate the sensory data related to this vision you have. For most people, it’s probably easier than writing a manifesto.

Pinterest boards make it easy to collect images from across the internet, giving you access like never before. It is also free, which means you don’t have to buy or otherwise seek out magazines to cut out your pictures.

While Pinterest boards are easy and accessible to most, I still love having something tangible. I love physically having to flip through magazines and cut from them. I love fiddling with the glue stick and positioning each image, each quote, each item, layering, dreaming it all into reality.

What we focus on expands

Aside from magazines, you can also think about post cards, oracle cards, travel brochures, old invitations, enamel pins, dried flowers, museum ticket stubs … it’s anything that elicits or reminds you of the feelings important to you. It is these feelings we are after.

So schedule time and create a space for your vision board.

Get Inspired

Surround yourself with what you life. Perhaps it’s amazing photographer adventurers like Chris Burkard or Theron and Maddie of This Wild Idea. After my trip to Norway, I had withdrawal and started following photographers based in Northern Norway like Even Tryggstrand, and of course my new friend Siri.

Rinse & Repeat

The core of the bucket list is likely immutable, if done correctly. This just means the more you connect with how you want to feel, who you are, and honestly create your very unique bucket list, it is the right way to go. Some people may have absolutely no interest seeing the Pyramids or “it would be cool” but not called to. Maybe you want to experience every corner of the US. It may be to visit every biodynamic winery in the world. The bucket list is about what you want to do and it is nobody’s business.

Updating it regularly will keep your connection fresh. Of course, seeing it as a vision board on your altar, in your creative space, by the door or another special and visible place helps to magnetize your vision. Definitely tick off anything when done and when you do, refresh it with a new item or make it a practice to update it every month, every new moon, on your birthday, or as part of your spring cleaning.

Thinking about my bucket list has opened a pandora box. I wish you much discovery and joy. Happy manifesting “this, or better”!