2015 was a year of travelling.
Made possible by having a super reliable house sitter work out for my animal house. Supreme gratitude.
Right now. I feel the pull of travelling, feeling the salty air on my face, seeing the sun set over another mountain, hearing the chatter and hustle and bustle in a far flung city, being enveloped by clouds of incense, perfume, and spices, feeling the sand sift beneath my feet somewhere new, touching the rough barks of giant trees…
This year I have not gone anywhere and am floating back to last year, when I travelled with my mom, meeting up with my friend, and also solo. The whole year was so incredible, I cannot convey how. For so many reasons, Northern Norway stood out and stands strong in my heart.
The trip to Scandinavia was an evolution of sorts. Initially I had planned to return home to Vancouver for the summer. Then my friend in Germany suggested Peru. It fell through. Then a friend suggested going to this remote island in Sweden. It fell through but with all the talk of travelling in Scandinavia, celebrating Summer Solstice with the whole May Pole and summer potatoes, stuck with me. The Nordic countries it was decided.
These far lands called to me and without a plan, following the wind and heart song, I wandered into the wild.
Being completely alone, in the cold air, “lost” in the desolate landscape of the Lofoten Islands was pure medicine for my heart and soul. In my little rental, I drove and drove, under the Midnight Sun, seeking my own light, embracing the dark.
I stood in the harsh wailing winds by the sea, my heart thumping with the thundering waves, extending far beyond my physical body and the heart-pain that burdens it. I sat among tourists and locals, devouring freshly-made bread in Å, basking in the sun that loved me so unquestioningly. I floated on the SUP board in the frigid Arctic sea, playing footsies with the seaweed, diving deep below in my mind. I climbed to the tops of mountains and ran through fairy hills.
It was glorious to be alone, and not alone with thoughts. Alone with a zest of life and a presence that I had not felt for far too long.
I had hidden my heart, while I set out retrieving the various pieces held by people I once knew and by places that had seduced it. My heart was not broken, held still by the iridescent filaments, but it was certainly not completely whole and together.
In Norway, I tapped into who I am, the joy that resounds within. Away from scarring voices which judge me for not being their definition of a woman, wife, friend, or even a person worthy of anything. I was safe from lashes of fear, guilt, hurt, and wounded ego.
But I will no longer be a prostitute. I will no longer negotiate power, money or spirit for the sake of safety and acceptance. That is the Prostitute Archetype, that we all have. What are we willing to give away, of our spirit, to be part of a tribe, to be desired, to be accepted, to be loved…to belong.
Rejection is painful. It is also a lesson – that what we have now is not right for us, or right anymore. Even a relationship once beautiful can end. Something new, something different, something more aligned is on the horizon.
Every time we seek refuge in others, for their power, knowledge, love, we will fail. Every time we decide others are more, in any way, we will be reminded. We will have a harsh awakening, if we insist on being deaf. Life is about remembering that our power resides within. And no one truly has power over us. We just give it away. In love, we can forget and as we meld into oneness, the balance of power shifts and if we are not aware, seismic change is in motion.
And the tower will crumble.
We are all worthy. We are all bright lights, made of stardust, the stuff of planets, asteroids, universes, and galaxies. If that does not give us pause, when we have self-doubt, I’m not sure what will.
Like my friend said, stay happy and healthy so we can offer our brightness and happiness to all those around us. And most of all, to ourselves. Because damnit, we are all deserving. Never, ever, doubt that, my friends.
